the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
