hell yes lets make some ravioli
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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