not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're a waste of cheezeits
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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