Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
