You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
