I checked into jail on foursquare
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
