Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
