I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
