my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
