I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
