i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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