They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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