You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
