remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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