I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
