I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
