Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
