I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
