Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
