I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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