your room smells of hookers.
And success
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
