Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
