I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
