things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
