I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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