Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
