It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
