dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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