she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
