well you can't waste a boner
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
