So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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