We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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