Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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