Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
