i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just cut my nipple shaving
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
