I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
