we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
