Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
