i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
