the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
