know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
