I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
