Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
