I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize