i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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