You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
