Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
