Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
