I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
