These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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