Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I got chris browned last night
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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