Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
