chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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