I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This is my gift to your gina
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize