her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
PANTIES FOUND
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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