it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My dick has a subreddit
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
