Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
