come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
