they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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