There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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