Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
