Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
