I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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