so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize