why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
