i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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