picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
