It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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