I just cut my nipple shaving
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
