Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
