Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
