apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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