Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We left an ass print on the piano.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
