It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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