Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
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You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
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Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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