i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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