I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
