Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
