I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
