giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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