Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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