he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
