Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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