so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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