i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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