I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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