nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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