so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
