I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
